This will be brief. Future posts will have a lot more heft, and will include bits and pieces of the book that I'm working on. But for now, I just wanted to make a few observations about September and October this year.
My daughter celebrated her 13th birthday in September, and my oldest son celebrated his 17th this past week. It's stunning how quickly the time goes by, and has been a reminder to me that I have only a few years left to make the most positive difference in their lives possible, not mention but a short time left on this earth. And there are still so many things I want to accomplish: The book, financial stability for my family, most of all emotional stability and happiness for all my loved ones. I heard on the radio this morning a discussion of the time people spend, and whether they spend it on the most important things in their lives; most people, realizing they don't, break down and weep. I don't want to be one of those people.
In the meantime, in the past couple of months, we have spent magical time in the North Carolina mountains, we have walked the Chicago lakeshore and showed our children at least some of the great museums of that spectacular city where I was born. It reminded me of how it felt for me as a kid, advancing into the city for a day's outing, the awe I felt seeing the skyscrapers, the joy of discovery in such places as the Shedd Aquarium and Field Museum. We have visited the small Wisconsin town where my wife grew up, and spent time with her parents, brother and sisters. Her mother's health is failing, and her father's love and compassion in caring for her is a constant inspiration to me of how to be a real man.
My faith life continues to trouble me, as a struggle with balancing the doubts I have with my childhood beliefs, now largely left behind, and my obligation to help my children grow into strong, ethical, moral adults open to the possibilities beyond their immediate senses, and connected to the ground of being that I believe exists in some form or fashion--though I search still to understand that belief.
Finally, the leaves are changing, flashing reds and golds in the still-dominant-green of this southern clime, and we have had golden days and cool nights. As always, a reminder that time speeds away from me, and that I must seize these precious moments as I can, and focus on living the best life possible with the time given to me. More on what that life may be later.
Hmmm. I'll be interested to hear your account of your life in the faith.
ReplyDeleteThis question of what does it mean to be a man now, as the children grow, as your faith changes, as the stories of ones own childhood are farther and farther away- that's a good inquiry. You sound centered, reflective, loving. Lucky family.
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